I try not to read the news.
Ingesting eight hours a day of my workload within the criminal justice system is quite enough for me, but I could not help but follow the story of Ruben van Assouw.
When the crash happened, I did somewhat of a "side-way" read. I glanced with my eyes moving up and down so I could only skim the headline. I only really determined that there had been a crash and a sole survivor.
The next blurb caught my eyes a few days later and I saw the word "nine".
I kept moving understanding fully that some poor child had been orphaned and now his world had been torn apart.
Today, I could no longer play possum and read a full account. Yes, I cried.
All the emotions, I had been attempting to avoid flowed and then I felt moved to write.
This poor young man, in the midst of his youth, fighting for his life without his mom, without his dad or brother.
Tragedy strikes and we are all always left in shock, and that is just the way things go sometimes, but when circumstances kick us in the butt, it is so surreal.
Thinking back to my last family trip, while lost in the Smokey Mountains, we were all singing and lamenting that at least, should we not make it out, at least we'll all go together.
Yes, I am almost certain that in any caring parents thought, they often make that extra effort to travel together not risking leaving anyone behind - "god-forbid anything happen". This couple, celebrating their 12th wedding anniversary toting their kids along, probably could not bear being without each other.
They probably took meticulous care to plan, and maybe as they were seating in the plane, carefully surveyed the seating, passengers making sure they were in the safest spot.
Luck would have it that most of them went together - leaving only one behind.
The burdens he will face. The nightmares he will have. Nothing and no one to tidy his screaming brain as he resurrects the final moments or the last flashes of what once was.
Maybe he won't remember anything. It could be that he will block it all out.
All of our prayers and wishes will really mean little. Matter of fact, there's a good chance we will be the most haunted ones.
I try to reconcile, then leave it to chance, knowing none of us have control of anything - nope, nothing at all.