So Shonda Rhimes and her Scandal team aired "The Lawn Chair" last night.
I had taken a bit of a break from 'Scandal-Thursdays', mainly because I am a 'Blacklist' Fan and the two shows now air at the same time on different networks.
I came into the Scandal game late anyway. I caught up on two seasons one weekend and somedays last year. I did not eat, shower or leave the house! SCARY when a show can do that to you, but Scandal did just that - BUT, as of late, SHONDALAND THURSDAYS have been overwhelming for me. I do not watch 'Greys' but the Scandal hour, PLUS the How To Get Away With Murder hour, totally put me in a racing-pulse-I-think-my-heart-and-my-nerves-are-shattering state of being, therefore I took the 'Blacklist' break. 'Blacklist' is the same high-powered writing but with James Spader there is an entirely different level of delivery. I always feel so satisfied after watching him - like Hannibal Lecter bragged about his fava beans and Chianti ...
YES, I AM AVOIDING MYSELF HERE!
'The Lawn Chair' was just too darn close to my fire.
My fire is the passion in my heart that burns for my sons and their friends, whom I also call my sons.
MY FIRE is the love I have for everything that breathes and how it rips my heart when people disregard the essence of breath, beating hearts and full spirits.
So Courtney B. Vance portrayed Brandon's father with such precision that I wept ... for an hour. The dialogue echoed my daily, hourly, minute-by-minute fears that surround the so many in this country who feel their lives are more valuable than mine and those I have mothered.
I have been to baseball practice where a 5 year old little child exclaimed to my then 11 year old, that he didn't have to "listen to no niggers". It was the first time my eldest had been called that word. I approached the parents but they apologized profusely and claimed that they had no idea where their baby learned that language. Thankfully, I began having talks with my boys from the time they could comprehend language, so I boosted my oldest child's ego, hugged him, asked him what he was feeling and we went on with our lives ... knowing that there would definitely be a 'next time'.
As toddlers, my sons were warned that when we were anywhere like Walgreens, Jewels, Kmart - there is NO asking for ANYTHING. If mom has extra, she will buy a power ranger or a Gumby toy, but they are to, under NO circumstance, take or ask for anything. All things must be bought and given once we are at home. PERIOD. And so that was how my children were raised. Always having receipts for everything and never taking anything - EVER - and not even picking items up too much in the store! GET IN, GET OUT - always have a bag, ALWAYS have a receipt.
I don't know if they recall any of this, but while they were under 18 - the rules were followed, and I thank all the gods and rulers of the Universe that they "made it" to 18. Now what? Mothers at 25 and 35 still get those calls, but I suppose at the older ages, you are just so insane that every single day is just a gift. Be grateful. Do not tempt the Universe and hope that things will one day get better.
I don't know how or why people of color have to live this way. I don't even know what it is like to be confident that I LIVE IN A RESPECTFUL, REASONABLE WORLD.
My children have to fear everyone. They have to fear their peers, the police, and people who are insane.
Sad, isn't it? But there is no time for pity. There are conflicts around the globe and we are at the very bottom of the pool with water rising and falling on any given day.
... and just like my favorite poem by Maya Angelou reads ... "Still I Rise" ... still I rise.